For gay men, age is many things: it’s fetishized, it’s feared, it represents our success and our failures, our self-worth and our worth to others. I’m 19 years older than my boyfriend, Noah. When I think of our relationship in terms of those 19 years — focusing on the fact that I’m 50 and he’s 31 — it can feel overwhelming. I become driven by fear and insecurity. It’s easy to forget that we both get a lot out of that age difference.